June Bug Jitter(s)

June bug dance

Hey there,

Ah, June…weddings, graduation, schools out – and so are the JUNE BUGS.  I won’t give you a link.  You’re welcome.  Can you say Eeeeeeee.  So gross – and so goes the June Bug Jitter.  Not a pretty picture.  See above – that’s not me. 🙂

Now, I’m reasonably good with all things nature; spiders don’t bother me, worms and crawlies in the garden, I’m OK with – I’ve even come to tolerate snakes (just barely).  But when the June bugs are out, I’m in.  I know everything is there for a purpose – they provide a nice crunchy protein snack for raccoons and skunks – and Ralph, if he’s out there.  Streetlights, Mister!  Always check to make sure he is alone, when he comes in (read:  live prezzies).  Ew.

This year of crazy weather, so far, they aren’t too bad, but I know they’re out there…Usually, gotta-be-in-before-the-June-bugs-are-out season lasts from mid May to mid June.  They are late this year and not too plentiful.  I hope the “season” isn’t extended.

I actually plan ahead my route from the car to the front door, when I know I will be coming home after dark in June bug season.  Pearl’s top is never down at night in June bug season.  Pearl is my car, in case you’re wondering – and you haven’t been reading – tsk, tsk.  Pearl is also a bug, but a good bug, she’s a VW.

You see, once I leave Pearl in the driveway, I have to pass through a circular opening in the cedar hedges which are strung with twinkly white lights year round, (and no, my Christmas lights are not still up) which is very pretty, just not when June bugs are lurking in there.  Usually, I’m breathing hard or making my Eeeeee noise, which wakes up the birds who nest in the hedges, which flushes out the June bugs.  Panic attack.

Then, after I blast through the hedges I have to run up the walk 🙂 to the front porch where I know the loathsome, evil things are waiting, because I remembered to leave the porch light on to be able to see.  There are no streetlights here at Blue Roof Living. Ew ew ew.  I’m slinging around whatever has to be carried in from the car, swinging at them if they come near (the June bugs and anyone else in the way).  The other night, it was husband’s guitar – but that’s another story. Don’t tell him.

Keys are out, in the lock, open door, don’t let Ralph out. Shut tight behind me. Make sure none of them got in…breathe.  And they are so gross if you have to squish them.  I have to get them before Ralph does. There is no way he is getting on the bed with me if I know he has been dining on June bugs.  Capital D Disgusting.

Now, they are waiting for me on my bedroom screen windows while I read before bed to calm myself down after such an ordeal. Bwahahahahahahaaaa Buzzzz buzzzz buzzzz  Ew. Ralph is flinging himself against the screen trying to get them.

TRESPASSERS WILL BE COMPOSTED

OK, now I know you’re thinking I’m being a major weenie about all this.  Most people, except maybe for the nerdy bug guys, don’t actually like June bugs – they’re just an annoyance that lasts a couple of weeks and then it’s over.

Allow me to paint a visual for you…The first thing, I’m assuming, most people notice about me is my hair. My hair is big, long and very curly.  So thick, it takes about five hours to dry after washing.  When the air is humid, as it so often is during June bug season, I look like a Dandelion in seed.  You remember Dandelion. 🙂  Starting to get it?  Uh huh.  Now, I have made peace with my hair, finally, (most days) now that I’m “of a certain age” and have learned to just let it do it’s own thing.  Maybe I should give my hair its own name, like my car. Hmmmm

If, and I say if because, so far, I have avoided this epic heart attack-worthy moment,  a June bug were to get stuck in my hair…are you getting the visual?  Scissors.  Yup.  I have had many bad haircuts over the years, but this would be the ultimate.  Not only would the June bug be shredded, I would end up with multiple stab wounds to the scull and bad hair.

So, maybe you can cut (no pun intended) me some slack when it comes to June bug season.

I’ll just wait over here.  Inside.  With the lights out.  And my hair up.  Waiting for the hell to end.  No dancing required.  Scissors sold separately.

No plants, no birds, no night sky, no woo woo.  Just all about the June bugs this time around.  Back to our regular programming.

Until next time,

-Debra

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